


Knock On Wood

by slyther_ing



Series: The Fault in our Chat Logs [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, First Kiss, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Multi, Swearing, Teenage Dorks, group chat au, memes used properly, the rise of the quidditch team is family dynamic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:19:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slyther_ing/pseuds/slyther_ing
Summary: Fredstarted a private chatFred: i dont think he’s interestedAngelina: sounds fake, but ok





	Knock On Wood

**Author's Note:**

> A follow-up to slytherin team groupchat au! Can be read as a stand-alone

**Alicia** entered _OT3_

 **Alicia** : so i’m at the party rn right

 **Alicia:** and Bletchley keeps staring at my boobs

 **Alicia:** how do i express that I am a big honking lesbian

 **Katie:** “hello miles, i see you are entranced by my assets”

 **Katie:** “unfortunately i must tell you that I, a big honking lesbian, am not interested”

 

 **Fred** entered _Knock On Wood_

 **George:** So the game plan for tonight, folks

 **George:** one round of first kisses for everyone who has not yet been kissed

 **Oliver:** awww cute

 **Alicia:** whoop whoop!!

 **Katie:** um excuse me

 **Katie:** when did we decide that was the game plan

 **Harry:** ive totally had my first kiss so u can count me out!! Haha haha ha

 **Katie:** ur not leaving me to suffer, @Harry

 **Katie:**  guys harry has a crush on cho

 **George:** !!!

 **Angelina** : !!!

 **Fred:** !!! INDEED

 **Harry** : wow thanks katie

 **Harry:** wait Fred hasn’t had his first kiss yet

 **Fred:** lmao lies

 **Fred** has left _Knock On Wood_

 **George** has added **Fred** to _Knock On Wood_

 **George:** lmao cut the crap we all know u haven’t

 **Angelina:** its okay freddie

 **Angelina:** we have the perfect person for u ;)

 

 **Fred** started a private chat

 **Fred:** excuse me

 **Angelina** : ur excused

 **Fred:** funny

 **Fred:** you don’t happen to mean…?

 **Angelina:** perhaps

 **Fred:** ….

 **Fred:** neato

 

 **Fred** entered _Knock On Wood_

 **Fred** : sigh i suppose i’ll have to sacrifice my virgin lips

 **Fred:** for the good of this family

 **Alicia:** we all literally just saw u punch the air in excitement

 **Katie:** yea u aint slick

 **Harry:** why are we always texting when we’re together in the same room

 **Alicia:** stealth and deception

 **Oliver** : LOL i think the sacrifice is on the other end

 **Fred:** rude

 **Fred:** do u not find me kissable, Wood?

 **Fred** : ...

 **Fred:** i just felt chills enter my body at the glare sent my way from one marcus flint

 

 **Harry** started a group chat

 **Harry** named the group chat _pls clarify, my life is a mess_

 **Harry:** just so we’re all on the same page

 **Harry:** im not gnna have to kiss someone tonight

 **Harry:** right

 **George:** nah it’s just so we can finally get Fred and Lee to confess & get together

 **Harry:** cool thats what i thought

 **Katie:** oh shit oops sorry about the cho thing @Harry

 **Harry** : yea ‘oops’ is right

 

 **Fred** entered _Knock On Wood_

 **Fred** : K I S S I N G

 **Fred:** that tongue down Oliver’s mouth, who’s could that be?!

 **Oliver:** that’s not how the rhyme goes

 **Angelina:** pretty savage to be making out with Flint and texting at the same time

 **Oliver:** so im good at multitasking, sue me

 **Oliver:** has anyone seen Harry?

 **Oliver:** i “promised” Percy i’d “keep good track” of him because apparently gryffindor tower parties are “scarring”

 **Angelina:** thats blasphemy

 **Angelina:** ur not grown until youve seen the house ruined by drink and loose morals

 **Oliver** : right?? That's what i said

 **Oliver** : gdflagffdlkk a;; af fffffffffffffff

 **Katie** : OLIVER

 **Alicia:** oh Merlin help

 **Oliver:** lmao sorry y’all had to see that

 **Oliver:** anyways

 **Oliver:** @Harry where are you?

 **George:** oh yeah, he’s hiding from ur intense pda

 **Oliver** : oh

 **Katie** changed the group name to _Morning Wood_

 **Oliver** changed the group name to _Knock On Wood_

 **Katie** changed the group name to _Morning Wood_

 **Oliver** : @BELL CEASE AND DESIST

 **Katie** : IF WE ALL HAVE TO GO TO THERAPY BC OF UR PDA U CAN HANDLE THE INNUENDO

 

 **Fred** started a private chat

 **George** : quick question brother dear, where did u put Lee’s tarantula

 **Fred:** idk i thought it was w/ u

 **George:** i thought it was w/ u

 **Fred:** rip

 

 **George** entered _Morning Wood_

 **Fred:** uh so heads up folks

 **Fred:** there is a loose tarantula somewhere in this party

 **Angelina** : o h m y g o d

 **Fred:** so PLEASE be careful about where you are all stepping

 **Alicia:** oh right, bc that's _totally_ our main concern

 **George:** Lee says its perfectly harmless

 **Fred:** granted, Lee says a lot of things are perfectly harmless

 

 **Georg** **e** created a group chat

 **George** named the group chat _Everyone but Frederico_

 **Percy:** I told you before, I don’t wish to be involved!

 **Oliver:** aw lighten up Weasley

 **Ron:** is this actually going to work tho

 **Ron:** like, i can see some issues in ur strategy

 **George:** do shut up, brothers dearest.

 **George:** anyways

 **George:** PHASE 1 IS A GO

 **Angelina:** wait so there’s actually not a spider on the loose?

 **George:** er well

 **Angelina** removed **George** from _Everyone but Frederico_

 **Katie:** damn what a power move

 

 **George** started a private chat

 **George:** we may have lost ur tarantula

 **Lee:** define “may have”

 **George:** errrr its likely she’s crawling around in danger of being crushed by multitudes of dancing Gryffindors

 **Lee:** you’re dead to me

 

 **Lee** started a private chat

 **Lee:** you guys lost Spinderella?

 **Fred** : i am so so sorry

 **Fred:** i mean granted, it was largely George

 **Fred:** which is weird bc he rarely misplaces stuff but yknow

 **Fred** : i’ll help you look for her right now?

 **Lee:** sigh thank you

 **Lee:** oh damn lol wood and flint are really going at it huh?

 **Fred** : i dont wanna talk about it

 

 **Katie** entered _Morning Wood_

 **Katie** sent an image to _Morning Wood_

 **Alicia:** oh my god i go to the bathroom and miss this??

 **Harry** : please;;; my poor eyes

 **Harry:** o wait lol i can just take off my glasses

 **Harry:** problem solved

 **Oliver:** delete that

 **Oliver:** delete that!!!

 **Katie:** PAYBACK DEAR CAPTAIN

 

 **Percy** started a private chat

 **Percy:** Wood, have you no shame?!

 **Oliver:** we’re making out!! That’s it!!

 **Oliver:** there are multiple couples doing this rn why are u all targeting me

 **Percy:** there are children around! And you guys just make out more....aggressively

 **Oliver:** ugh fine, we’ll move it upstairs

 **Percy:** good.

 **Percy:** wait actually no

 **Percy** : don’t go up there

 **Percy:** OLIVER

 **Oliver** : oh hey look its penny :)

 **Oliver** : :))

 **Oliver:** :))))

 **Percy:** i can give you half a chocolate frog, an old quidditch mag, and maybe an embarrassing photo of the twins when they were eight

 **Oliver:** penny who?

 

 **Oliver** added **Marcus** to _Morning Wood_

 **Katie:** oh my god

 **Marcus:** delete it

 **Katie:** okokokok deleting deleting

 **Marcus** left _Morning Wood_

 **Katie** : i just saw my life flash before my eyes

 **Fred** : damn, wood’s using his man to terrorize us now

 **Fred** : as if 5am practices aren’t enough

 **Fred:** sidenote, no one has seen Spinderella yet?

 **Angelina** : i forgot about that ridiculous name

 **Fred:** its a magnificent name

 **Angelina** : is it

 **Angelina:** is it really

 **Angelina:** no we have not seen her

 **Alicia:** i wasn’t aware we were looking for her

 **Harry:** are wood and flint gone

 **Harry:** can i put on my glasses now

 

 **Fred** started a private chat

 **Fred** : still nothing, my man

 **Lee:** goddamn it

 **Lee:** maybe if we lure her with food

 **Fred:** er you mean like - bugs?

 **Lee:** yeah i think i have a couple of lacewing flies left over from potions

 **Lee:** let’s go grab them from our room

 **Fred** : ok honey

 **Lee:** what

 **Fred:** what

 

 **Fred** started a private chat

 **Fred:** i dont think he’s interested

 **Angelina:** sounds fake, but ok

 

 **George** entered _Morning Wood_

 **George:** so how’s the first kiss hunt going everyone?

 **Katie:** really well, thanks for asking

 **Harry:** yeah its totally not silly at all whatsoever

 **Fred:** wow our team is really striking out in the romance department

 **Fred** : sigh

 **Alicia** : omg Fred

 **Fred:** sigh

 **Angelina:** P L E A S E

 **Oliver:** so @Harry, what’s this cho thing i’m hearing about

 **Harry:** you only care because of our match soon

 **Oliver:** how dare you

 **Oliver:** i care

 **Oliver:** i care about you and your personal wellbeing dearly

 **Oliver** : totally unrelated, do you think your nimbus can outstrip her cleansweep?

 

 **Oliver** started a private chat

 **Oliver:** lmao you’re right i have no shame

 **Percy:** is this about Flint or quidditch

 **Oliver** : quidditch

 **Oliver:** who do you think I am?

 

 **George** entered _Everyone but Frederico_

 **George:** PHASE 3 COMMENCE

 **Alicia:** wait what happened to phase 2 :o

 **George:** I already did phase 2

 **Katie:** you didn’t even tell us what the phases are

 **Ron:** I told you this plan sucks

 **George:** there’s a spider on the loose, Ronald

 **Ron:** FUCK OFF

 **George:** and to answer your question, ladies, Phase 2 was a twin thing

 **Harry:** right and none of us can comprehend _that_

 **George:** okay fine, Phase 2 was messaging them to make them stay together the whole night, hence the spider

 **Ron:** i dont see why we couldnt have just locked them in a broom closet together

 **Ron** : its a tried and true method, look it up

 **George:** ignoring ickle Ronniekins, Phase 3 involves some carefully dropped hints from you all

 **George:** the key word here is _carefully_

 

 **Angelina** created a group chat

 **Angelina** named the group chat _this slow burn has been burning for slow enough_

 **Lee:** angie no pls

 **Angelina** : confess

 **Fred:** huh

 **Angelina** : Now. Both of you.

 **Fred:** Angie NO

 **Angelina** : i’m counting to three or else i’m making this a public spectacle

 **Fred** : fffffajsdlfkj

 **Angelina:** ONE

 **Lee:** @Fred you first then

 **Angelina:** TWO

 **Fred:** @Lee YOU GO FIRST

 **Angelina:** THREE

 **Angelina** added **George, Oliver, Katie,** and five other people to _this slow burn has been burning for slow enough_

 **Lee:** I WAS TYPING

 

 **George** entered _Everyone but Frederico_

 **George** : @Angelina I SAID THE KEY WORD IS CAREFULLY

 **Angelina:** welp yolo!!

 

 **Katie** removed **George, Oliver** and five other people from _this slow burn has been burning for slow enough_

 **Katie** : do it quick before Angelina steals the phone out of my hands and i cant save you anymore

 **Katie** has left _this slow burn has been burning for slow enough_

 **Lee:** sigh

 **Fred:** yeah ikr

 **Fred** : um… you said you were typing?

 **Lee:** oh haha. well.

 **Lee:** this is awkward isnt it

 **Fred:** you’re telling me

 **Lee:** yikes um haha

 **Lee** : i kinda - have a thing for you?

 **Lee:** ik ik big surprise ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Fred:** err wait yes this is a big surprise

 **Fred:** i mean, ofc you’d fall for my dashing good looks but

 **Lee:** really? Joking rn?

 **Fred** : sorry, i’m working on it

 **Fred:** ok doing this over text is stupid, ill meet you up at the dorm in 2min

 

 **Harry** has entered _Morning Wood_

 **Harry** : alright its been more than half an hour

 **Harry:** even Oliver has returned from questionable activities

 **Oliver:** excuse you

 **Harry:** and yet nobody has heard a thing from Fred  & Lee

 **Alicia:** what if we messed up :(

 **George:** no no we can’t be negative yet

 **George:** it sounds good, i think there’s laughing

 **Angelina:** oh my god are you listening in through the door

 **George:** ...no

 **George:** in my defense, it was @Katie’s idea

 **Katie** : im nosy! sheesh

 **Fred:** hello

 **Katie:** i meant privacy for all!!

 **Katie:** how do i delete a message

 **Angelina:** @Fred how are u

 **Fred:** well lets see

 **Fred:** i find out that you all orchestrated this without getting an okay from me

 **Fred:**  losing Spinderella in the process

 **Fred:** and then proceed to make this a super public (quidditch team ig but you’re all GOSSIPS so) ordeal

 **George:** aw Freddie, im really sorry

 **Alicia:** yea we just wanted to see you two happy :( we’re sorry

 **Fred:** IM NOT DONE

 **Fred:** so how am I? Well @Angelina since you asked

 **Fred:** these virgin lips are virgin no more!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Katie** : WHAT

 **George** : YES

 **Alicia** : OMG OMGOMG

 **Harry:** :D

 **Angelina:** merlin that took long enough!! u two both owe me for all the heart-2-hearts ok?

 **Fred:** WELL WORTH IT

 **George** : YOU NUMBNUT U HAD US WORRIED THERE

 **Oliver:** awwwwww

 **Oliver:** oh btw i found the spider

 **Fred:** oh shit, where?

 **Oliver** : well. marcus won’t let me say

 **Fred:** like i said - well worth it

 

 **Fred** started a private chat

 **Fred:** wow you actually risked Spinderella for this

 **George:**  look, it was ur lips, or the spider

 **George** : at least she’s safe and sound

 **George:** and if she’d been crushed, it would have been for a noble cause

 **George:** and also dont try to fool me, you are totally fine with the fact that if she got crushed, you would have had an excuse to comfort Lee so

 **Fred:** why would you say something so controversial yet so brave

**Author's Note:**

> i mean, at least they can use memes quasi-properly  
> thank you for reading!!


End file.
